Two of my roommates were in the room when I submitted it.they were distracted doing something else.and I legit just fucking screamed and almost threw my goddamn laptop across the room. Just.take the exam and fucking go with what you know." And, pfft.ended up with a 100. I'm a survivor and I damn well deserve to make it and, no matter how hard I have to work, I will fucking do this.Īlso, I got a 100 on an exam today so I'm rather fucking proud of myself because, for once, I didn't double check my answers behind myself because of uncertainty in my mind. I didn't go through hell and back to just.not make it through my 20's. I may die in the process.hell, I may die in the next hours-WHO KNOWS!-but.I'm not going to stop fighting until well after my dying breath. I am a driven, motivated, vicious, little boy and I will fucking fight for this. I AM making it.and I will do what is necessary TO make it. To all the people, including doctors and psychs, who said I wouldn't make it in life.fuck everyone. That kind of thinking really fucks me over sometimes, but I must 's a much more fulfilling way to live, emotionally and mentally. And since linear and nonlinear time exist simultaneously, why not just fucking throw the clock out the window?
#Kill switch for stay focused app full#
But, then again, humans are the only sentient life on the planet with a full sense of linear time. I'm not good with linear time in general. Like something is trying to stifle the life in me. I just wish I could skip to a point in life where my finances are stable, but my life, itself, is chaotic and unpredictable and every day, every hour, every second.is a totally new adventure where I have to immediately adapt and live in the moment and be present and focused and driven.and I cannot do that with a goddamn routine.
But I feel like maybe this one year of stability is what I need? And, overall, it makes me a much happier person. I mean, yeah, I definitely want the chaotic life back. Continue on with school and internships and lectures.get a new job with fucking SET HOURS when I move.finally fix my sleeping schedule and not stay awake until fucking 5am discussing the multiverse with my roommates.HAHA Idk. But.I feel like maybe one year of stability would be good for me. I literally NEED the chaos and spontaneity. If everything is anned out and lax and predictable.I get bored and completely complacent and I just.Idk, my life tends to go stagnant and I stop progressing. The more pressure and chaos and multitasking I have to do, the better I perform. Which is why I'm pretty much MADE for emergency medicine. Like all my friends know very well, I feed off of chaos and impulsivity and spontaneity. No, it's not realistic to expect me to ever follow a plan or stay stable. I crave the nuances of schedules and plans. I have never even ONCE had stability in my life.
All the while, getting things set out and planned out. But.problem being.I need to somehow get to Athens and move in with my friends for a year.while we get everything financially situated here.and then move back.
I'm fucking done.Īnd my current roommates understand that because they all went through varying degrees of that. Like "HEY remember that one time we saved your life with money? Well, guess what, there's this thing." or the classic "Well, you car isn't legally in your name even though you pay the insurance so if you do anything we don't like, we'll just call the cops and tell them you stole it!" Like. My parents are really bad about treating me like I'm a fragile 12 year old. Nah, I'm never gonna be autonomous emotionally/, I NEED to be as autonomous as humanly fucking possible in the VERY near future and it kind of looks like I'm not going to be able to pull it off? I made a list of every single thing I need to do and get in order to be fully autonomous, financially and legally. I don't even know wtf I am doing now, tbh.
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